


Drifting At Sea

by darkangel_silvermoon



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Coping, Depression, M/M, Pre-Slash, The feels, support system
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 11:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18716047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel_silvermoon/pseuds/darkangel_silvermoon
Summary: "A hug is the perfect gift; one size fits all, and nobody minds if you exchange it."-unknown





	1. Chapter 1

  
He looks up to catch sight of a translucent man; sunken eyes and sallow with a shock of hair being ruffled by the wind.   
  
He's skeletal; eyes vacant and cold.

The bus moves and then...he's gone.  
  
Reid shivers when the realization hits him.   
  
That ghost was him...is him.   
  
He looks around, watching the people pass by- some together, some alone. Mothers, daughters, sons, girlfriends, boyfriends, business partners, strangers- all going about their daily lives,   
  
And there's Reid.   
  
The sickly feeling of disgust for human beings descends upon him like ravenous crows as dirt and paper scuttle along the pavement like

side-winding crabs.  
  
He swallows the bile that rises- his teeth clenching in discomfort as he balls his fist.   
  
_He should not be feeling this way, should he?_   
  
But then he realizes it's not them that he feels this disheartening disdain for- but himself.   
  
He shivers as he sinks further into his head. There's no way out, none that he can see. And the world keeps revolving on it's tilted axis, and people are still going on with their lives, and unsubs are still killing and the most horrible things are happening.   
  
And there's Reid.   
  
His head buzzes...and it suspiciously sounds like Morgan's ringtone.   
  
Reid looks down, and is vaguely aware that his cell phone is buzzing in his satchel.   
  
His hands feel numb as he reaches for the phone...detached as he answers- his voice reverberates hollow and dull in his own ears.   
  
"Pretty Boy- you okay?" Morgan's voice is sharp, and Reid can recognize the fear seeping out.

 

How many times has Reid rang Morgan in the most unfortunate hours sounding as if he were on the cusp of something catastrophic?  

 

Shame fills Reid.

 

Too much to bear, he disconnects the phone and stares at the lifeless thing in his hand.  
  
The sad thing is, out of the fifty-five people that have passed him...(three who are standing in the bus' shelter with him) not one has asked if he's okay...not that he would have welcomed the attention, but still...there's something inherently sad about that picture.   
  
And still, there's Reid.   
  
He looks up to see his bus shutter past him, and his insides sink.   
  
Today's a good day for walking.   
  
And so he does, hoists his lead body off the bench and begins to trudge his way home. His heart hammers sluggishly against his ribcage, ready to give up and he can't seem to catch his breath as people keep touching him- the effort it would take to avoid the contact is just too much at the moment.   
  
And so there's Reid... each step a struggle- each breath hurts so much.   
  
He'd love to sink to the cold concrete and cry...and can't help but think 'maybe this is what it's like to go insane.'   
  
And he doesn't know how to pull himself out.   
  
And he jerks to attention as the sound of rubber wheels griping asphalt registers in his ears. The sound of a powered window going down, the gruff anxiousness of Morgan's voice.   
  
"Pretty Boy? Get in."   
  
And there are the hacking sobs of Reid's that barely reach his ears, let alone connect with him that this is him. This is the broken shell of him. And he can't fix it by himself.   
  
There's Reid, sinking against the the of Morgan's suv, and Morgan's door slamming as people honk for him to get out of the way.   


Morgan sinks to his knees, enveloping Reid in the tightest of hugs. Reid's not going to even try to comprehend how Morgan found him as he presses his face into Morgan's shoulder, biting down on the soft fabric of Morgan's t-shirt, saliva soaking it's way through as Reid bites back sobs. His body is racked in pain as he hold back the sobs that threaten to rip his chest in two.  
  
"Let go Reid. Let go." Morgan whispers in Reid's ear as people mill past them.

 

Some gawk, others tip toe in their own embarrassment of witnessing such display of...emotion. 

  
And the world keeps spinning on its tilted axis and then there's Reid and Morgan trying to right the wrong.   
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the buildings like birds coming home to roost sit in crooked rows, and the people mill around like busy ants- tripping and stumbling through life.

Morgan cradles Reid's body as he lifts him Reid twists his fingers in Morgan's shirt, as he gets the door open and places him in the car.

Morgan squeezes Reid's hand and he buckles Reid up. Reid sniffles and rolls onto his side, resting his head on the door frame. Morgan shut the door and makes his way to the drivers side- buckling himself in as well.

"How did you find me?" Reid croaks as he clenches his eyes shut, trying to distract himself from the hurt.

Morgan huffs through his nose as he lets the keys dangle in the ignition.

"Baby Girl helped me. Reid, you scared me." Morgan's voice is exposed...soft.

Reid's body scrunches in the seat tighter than before. 

He didn't mean to...it always seems that he's affecting someone else.

"Reid, look at me?" Morgan touches Reid's shoulder. Reid shivers as he pulls his head off the window.

He blinks, eyes puffy and sore. He turns to face Morgan.

"I-" his breath hitches as he searches for the right words.

"I'm sorry. I must look-" Reid tries to find words any words to explain.

"Kid, it's okay, take your time." Morgan rubs a small circle in his bicep. Reid wants to pull away, but he kind of needs the contact, the warmth.

"Morgan, I feel...empty and I don't know why." Reid whispers as he shivers harder.

"Let's get you home, and then we'll talk. Is that alright with you kid?" Morgan asks Reid. Reid nods slowly, resting his head against the glass again.

How is it that the sun is shining and there are birds chirping and Reid feels this heavy, this dark?

Breathe in, breathe out, and in again.

Reid's chest rises and falls evenly as he tries to shut his brain down. Just think about the next breath. 

Breathe.

And Morgan drives, leaning over to turn down the radio- smooth jazz spilling in the car.

Reid closes his eyes, losing himself in the rise and fall of the rhythm, imagining it's the bass that's taking over his body, not this sucking void instead.

And the buildings like birds coming home to roost sit in crooked rows, and the people mill around like busy ants- tripping and stumbling through life.

And Reid's focusing on his breath and the shifting beat encircling him. And Morgan's gripping the wheel just a little too tight. And Morgan's focused on the road, trying to make it back to Reid's place so he can figure out what the hell's going on inside head, because he can't stand to see Reid like this – oh so introverted and not so bubbly.

 

Morgan wants to squeeze Reid so tight that neither of them can catch a breath and all of this darkness hanging over them like death's cloak can dissipate.

This is what friends are for; kissing away the hurt.

That's what Morgan's for, if he'll let him be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world keeps spinning on its axis.

Birds flit from roof tops to tree and back again. Morgan can't help but feel a twinge of unease settle in the pit of his stomach. Reid's eyes have a vacant gloss as he shivers in the sunlight.

Morgan steers him to the door and takes out the key Reid had given to him, way back when he was struggling to stay...

The apartment's dark, curtains drawn- Morgan and Reid fumble their way inside, Morgan never losing his grip of Reid's arm.

Reid follows as Morgan strips their shoes. Morgan's heart flips at the sight of tiny black hearts on a gray sock and a maroon and black stripped on the other. He's always wondered where he'd managed to find these things.

But that's besides the point as he divests himself of his shoes as well. They pad their way to the living room. Morgan's been here before, and it's kind of comforting- the light struggling to make its way in.

Morgan sits Reid down on the couch, and Reid lay his head on Morgan's lap, pressing Morgan's hand to his face- warm and splotched with heat.

Morgan's fingers automatically move from the base of Reid's neck and through the soft tendrils curling around his finger. Reid shifts to his side, facing Morgan's stomach as he gets lost in the comfort Morgan's hands can bring with the simplest of touch.

Morgan waits, loving how good it feels to have the tension leak from Reid's body.

"Morgan?" Reid looks up at Morgan. His hands never still.

"Yeah pretty boy?"

"You know you're considered to be one of my closest friends, right?" Reid picks at a loose thread on Morgan's pants.

Morgan studies the side of Reid's face as it draws into a painful mask. Morgan wants to smooth the creases from Reid's face. He wants to see Reid light up into a smile, body and all glowing like it usually does. His fingers rest over Reid's pulse beat in his neck, Morgan's buzzing with worry as he waits.

Reid closes his eyes again.

"I almost picked up again." His voice no more than an hoarse whisper as his body trembles.

"It keeps flooding back and I-" Reid's shoulders hitch into another spasming sob.

"I'm not strong enough to take this. I can't-" His body collapses on itself as he twists with the pain, gripping Morgan's t-shirt with sweaty hands. Morgan jerks Reid's body up, stunned himself with the physical force of Reid's shame.

"Shh... Reid. It's going to be okay!" He buries his face in the crook of Reid's neck as he wraps his arms tight around Reid's trembling frame. It's going to be fine.

"You're okay, Kid. It's okay. You're not weak. You're not weak." Morgan's voice sounds so weak compared to Reid's keens.

 

Reid squeaks as Morgan's hand snakes under Reid's button down, past his t-shirt- his warm hand splays on Reid's hip...and Reid stops. Breathing.

His body slumps against Morgan. It's what he needed-skin on skin as he drifts off to sea.

"I'm not weak. I didn't use." Reid murmurs.

"No." Morgan lips against Reid's sweaty hair.

"I-I thought of you...and I couldn't..." Reid blinks up, looking at Morgan. Morgan presses his lips to Reid's temple, a feather touch that makes Reid's skin flush with more heat.

"I'm sorry." His voice is strained as burrows deeper into Morgan's touch.

Morgan squeezes Reid's hip in reassurance.

"It's okay Pretty Boy." Morgan murmurs, and Reid is calmed by the low rumble in Morgan's chest.

Breathe, breathe, all it takes is a breath.

Reid stills as Morgan takes in a deep breath- smelling the cloying smell of sweat and coffee after-shave and sweetness fill his nose.

He shuts his eyes, listening for Reid's heartbeat- the world's still spinning on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the weekend. Reid sinks back into his pillow. Morgan's a big boy, he can make coffee.

Morgan yawns, snuggling closer; his arms and legs entangled with soft skin and boney limbs.   
  
Morgan lifts his head and smiles- Reid's fist curled near his own face, lips parted in sleep.   
  
That warm muffled buzz starts in the pit of his gut and spreads, as he brushes Reid's temple. He holds his breath as Reid's eyes flutter.   
  
"Hey." Reid shifts, pressing his hand to Morgan's shoulder. Morgan raises a brow, a small smile cricks on his lips.   
  
"Slept well?" Morgan runs his thumb against Reid's stubbly jaw- loving the rough-silky texture. Reid hums- but his rational brain keeps screaming that this is too intimate to be in the category of friendly touch.   
  
"Coffee?" Reid asks, a hopeful lithe in his voice as Morgan chuckles. 

 

He sits up and stretches, making his way to the kitchen. Reid sighs, throwing back the covers to follow.   
  
It's the weekend. Reid sinks back into his pillow. Morgan's a big boy, he can make coffee.   
  
/   
  
Reid pads to the kitchen twenty minutes later, and Morgan almost chokes on his coffee. Reid rubs his eyes, standing barefoot in Spider-Man boxer briefs and a long white t-shirt.   
  
Yeah, he went to bed like that- but this is the greatest reminder Morgan could ever have.   
  
Reid shuffles his way to the coffee pot.   
  
"Kid, you have a one track mind, you know that?" Morgan chuckles as Reid makes grabby time with the canister of sugar, his Dr. Seuss swirly mug, and the pot.   
  
Reid glares, teasing.  

  
"Actually, I'm very proficient at multitasking." Reid rattles as he filches Morgan's spoon and stirs his drink. 

 

"You could be too if-" Morgan shoots him a look, so Reid settles into stirring a heaping teaspoon (or five) into his mug.   
  
Reid blows on the steaming cup, curling his fingers around, he lifts it to his mouth and takes a tentative sip. Morgan's mouth goes achingly dry as Reid's eyes slide close.   
  
Morgan clears his throat as naughty imaginings flit through his head, and all he can think is down boy, as he feels a little movement below the waist in his sleep pants.   
  
Reid totters to the living room, coffee cup in hand and Morgan follows him to the couch. Morgan sinks down into the threadbare cushion, loving the worn feel of Reid's hunter green couch. Morgan loves Reid's apartment in general- the earthy feel, the books and papers stacked haphazardly-neat. Orderly chaos. It definitely says Reid.   
  
Reid tucks his foot under him and can't help but revel in the closeness of Morgan, as they enjoy their coffees in silence.  

 

After awhile, Reid sets his half filled cup down. Morgan frowns as Reid draws his knees to his chest. There's space between them, he can't help notice- it just doesn't feel right.   
  
"Morgan?" Reid whispers. Morgan stares at Reid's knee, tracing the scar where the bullet passed through over a year ago.   
  
"Yeah?" He looks up as he feels Reid shiver beneath the gentle touch. He huffs as Reid bites his bottom lip.   
  
"I wanted to say thank you for...listening to me. Most people would have run for the hills by now with all my emotional baggage, but you're...always here to listen, and I'm grateful for that. You're not what I expected, and I'm better off for it. You're the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for, and I wanted you to know that I appreciate it."Reid looks up to give Morgan a smile.   
  
"Good, cuz, you ain't getting rid of me that easy, Kid." Morgan nudges Reid with his elbow. He ruffles Reid hair, and Reid swats at his hand. Morgan grabs it and squeezes playfully- devilish glint in his eye.   
  
Morgan laughs; that all you got?   
  
Reid growls, launching himself at Morgan- and they take a tumble to the floor.   
  
Morgan laughs as he pins Reid down by the wrist, and has nowhere to go.   
  
Reid squirms; his eyes go wide, breath catching...Morgan shivers as heat rolls off their bodies.   
  
"Okay-" Morgan lets go of Reid's wrist, as he wills his erection to go away. Reid's still nestled in between Morgan's legs,and his eyes flutter shut as Morgan makes to get up.   
  
"Ohhh." a desperate moan escapes, and he tries to clamp down on it, but Morgan's hard on brushes against his- making him want to thrust up into him.   
  
Morgan grits his teeth. He looks down to see Reid's erection pitching a tent, distending the Spider Web pattern on his boxers. Morgan's sleep pants are uncomfortably tight as flesh strains at the thin material itself.   
  
"Sorry.” Morgan grunts as Reid push himself up and off Morgan.  Morgan sits up as well. 

“So...we could blame this on the bodies natural response to physical closeness and stimulation.  Or—“ Reid blushes hard, staring at a point past Morgan. 

“Or what Reid?” Morgan’s heart catches in his chest. 

“Or...we could admit that there has always been this thinly veiled attraction to one another.  Please tell me I’m not reading this wrong and making a complete fool of myself. I mean I don’t know if you’re even attracted to men, and even if you are why would you be attracted to me? Maybe this is all one sided wishful thinking on my part”—Reid rambles awkwardly. Morgan can tell Reid’s mind is flying to pieces over this. 

“Are you saying you’re attracted to me Dr. Spencer Reid?” Morgan asks as Reid slowly focuses on Morgan again.

Reid’s still blushing, but holds his gaze. 

“Yes. Yes I’m attracted to you in a non platonic way.” Reid says without hesitation.

“Good. Cuz I really like you too.” Morgan says, giddy smile blooming on his lip. He scoots closer to Reid. 

“Pretty boy, can I kiss you?” Morgan asks, heart jackhammering as he waits. 

“I suppose that wouldn’t hurt.” Reid sighs, teasing. 

Morgan kisses Reid full, lazy, slow; Reid sighs at the contact, loving the warmth radiating off Morgan's body.   
  
"Pretty Boy?" Morgan gasps as Reid looks up at him.   
  
Reid rests his head on the hollow of Morgan's neck after they break apart. 

  
"I really like you Derek."Reid whispers.   
  


"Kid?" Morgan nudges Reid until he’s got his attention. Morgan kisses him tender and sweet. 

"I really, really like you Spence. You ain't getting rid of me that easy." He says, and Reid lets out a little laugh. 

Reid snuggles close to Morgan, as they lace their fingers together.   
  
And the world's still revolving on its tilted axis.


End file.
